5 Questions I Have Always Wanted to Ask *Men

I participate in a few online forums that are largely populated by men, and their commentary on women has inspired a few questions I’d truly love to know the answers to.

1. Why do you say, “You can’t trust a woman who has sex with you on a first date” when the person they’re having sex with is you – who is also having sex on a first date?

Answer: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

2.  What’s the reasoning behind the (recently) popular consensus that women who are using birth control for sex are “sluts” (or that women who have sex with more than one man are “sluts”) when the people they’re having sex with are – well – men, who are having just as much sex, if not more? How is it that you conveniently eliminate yourselves from the sex equation?

Answer: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

3. How is it that you can so easily leave your children on such a mass scale? Women almost always end up with the children, even when they don’t have to fight for them. Why aren’t you fighting your asses off for full custody of your own children?

Answer: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Why do you blame women for “stealing” your masculinity (or, in less polite company, your “balls”) when you are ultimately in control of whether you a) okay flower patterns on your bedspread; b) let her throw out your favorite chair; c) go with her to the mall; d) agree to having children; e) play golf on any given Sunday; f) do anything else you want, or don’t want, to do?

Answer: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Why do you call taking care of your own children “babysitting”?

Answer: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

These are sincere questions, and I think I can safely say I’m not the only woman who would be interested in the answers.

They’re also questions that might inspire some contemplation before you’re able to answer.

Please feel free to leave your answers in the comments. Be anonymous if you like.

If you take the time to answer, I thank you so much. Truly.

– Syl

____

* Men who apply

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7 thoughts on “5 Questions I Have Always Wanted to Ask *Men

  1. JustSomeGuy

    Well, I would think the kind of men who have such attitudes probably aren’t the type to read your blog :). I could give you some guesses from a male perspective, though, if you think it would be interesting.

      1. JustSomeGuy

        1. It seems like the attitude is that female virginity matters more, and even when it’s past that point, women are still supposed to be more choosy about who they have sex with. There may be some insecurity about being able to sexually satisfy someone who’s more experienced. Also, I think part of it might be “the thrill of the chase;” someone who waits to have sex with you is a more “prestigious” catch. It’s also a nice ego boost, that there was something special about you that caused her to want you. I doubt most of this is at a conscious level.

        2. I think most men who are currently sexually active with multiple partners prays to God that the women they have sex with use birth control. Some probably don’t think that people should have sex outside marriage at all. I think they “blame” women for the sex: men are “of course” going to want to have sex with anything that moves, and so it falls to the women to be the sexual gatekeepers; they “allow” the sex to happen.

        3. Well, some men DO fight hard for their children, but the court system/society still views mothers as the better caretakers. Single men are also “supposed” to be freewheeling bachelors, and having to take care of a kid makes it very hard to sustain that kind of lifestyle. I also think that, since the expectation of being the day to day caretaker was never instilled in them from a young age, it’s easy to let that fall to the mother because “it’s her job.”

        4. I think most men expect sex to be used as a weapon against them if they don’t just “go along with it.” They expects that if they try to argue, things will just be chilly for a while, and they’ll just acquiesce in the end, so it’s simpler to just let things slide. Doesn’t mean they’re happy about it, though. Since they never make a big deal about it they never have to be “wrong,” but they’re also “losing.”

        5. Like I said in #3, it’s not expected. When something is (possibly) unpleasant and not expected, you don’t want to make it normal.

      2. I think you nailed it. Those aren’t surprising answers, and the problem is that they’re probably accurate. What I’d hoped is that some men who believe those things would have stopped by, seen the questions, and given the answers some real thought (even if they didn’t share them here).

        I do understand that there are some men who fight for custody and who have a hard time getting it (through unfair treatment by the courts). However, more men don’t seek custody, nor do we expect them to. There’s a lot that needs changing in that regard, and on all sides.

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