Interview up at Living D.I.N.K.

I had forgotten this interview was scheduled to post this month until I visited Living D.I.N.K. to see what was there today, and it was this, in which I discuss the marriages I destroyed by being childfree (don’t worry – they were my own), when I finally knew for sure I didn’t want kids, and this business of “missing out” by not having kids.

On recognizing my disinclination to have kids:

His desire for a nice house, a nice car, and a family started to penetrate – mostly the “family” part. “Family means kids,” I realized. They were real, then. Something I assumed I could physically produce, and that made me think about them in a less abstract way for the first time. My instinct, my immediate reflex, was whatever “No” feels like in your soul.

Thank you, Yael of Living D.I.N.K.! (A great site to follow, btw.)

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One thought on “Interview up at Living D.I.N.K.

  1. Bad Puppy!

    Great interview! I like what you said about it’s not selfish because nobody’s life is being negatively impacted by you not having children. The next time someone brings up the “selfish” thing, I’m going to ask them who specifically I’m being selfish TOWARD because selfishness by definition is not just “doing what you want to do in life” everybody does or TRIES to do that… so if that’s selfish then everybody is equally selfish. Actual selfishness really does require a “victim” we are directly harming. So who could that victim possibly be?

    You can’t harm a kid that doesn’t exist by not bringing them into existence. (If that were true, women would be obligated to have any and all babies they could possibly have and be pregnant all the time, lest some potential baby be selfishly denied life.)

    It can’t be my husband I’m harming since he doesn’t want kids either. In fact, having a baby WOULD harm him since he, like me, has stated he doesn’t want one.

    The only people I can think who might be remotely “harmed” by my “selfish choice” would be my parents not getting to be grandparents… but I have a brother (who has a wife) and they are both planning to procreate or adopt… so grandkids? Covered! But even if they weren’t, it would definitely be far more selfish of THEM to try to impose pregnancy, childbirth, and uprooting my entire existence to parent children I don’t want just so they could be grandparents. I mean… wow. Thankfully my parents accept my decision, too.

    So who am I being selfish toward? Oh, I bet I know… the mommies who had kids without thinking it through fully who are now miserable, and don’t like that I’m not. I feel like I should pull a Sheldon Cooper and say “Bazinga” here.

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