I was going to ignore a comment left sometime last week by someone who had nothing to say but, “Shut up, breeder pleaser.”
They left it here, far down in the comments section of a post titled “Seven things the childfree won’t usually tell you.” (This graph is a later addition. Quick thanks to a reddit user who pointed out a lack of context in the original post.)
It’s hard to argue with such thoughtfulness, reason, and eloquence, so I wasn’t going to give it any attention, but there’s something about the phrase “breeder pleaser” that is so fatuous, so indicative of an unthinking perspective, and yet so popular in certain childfree circles, that I didn’t want to ignore it.
What I think “breeder pleaser” means to the person saying it is, “You are so desperate for the approval of people who want or have children that you say things you think will make them happy, or at the very least not offend them.”
And this has never made sense to me. What would I gain by pleasing parents, or people who want to be parents? They’re not paying me. They’re not reading this site. They’re not sending me emails to stroke my ego. What would be the point?
No point. Which means “breeder pleaser” must mean, “You aren’t a total dick to people who want or have kids, and therefore you are a failure as a childfree person.”
And I disagree with the profile this particular brand of childfree person is creating for childfree people in general. Making the rest of us look bad, is what they’re doing. Little else.
I’ve tried to understand the position of those who use words like “breeder” in anything but scientific conversation, and “crotch fruit” and whatever other playground name-calling brilliance they can come up with. Are they extra sensitive and defensive because they’re under pressure to have kids? Are they reading too many blogs by narrow-minded people who think it’s a woman’s duty to reproduce and lumping that small crowd in with all parents or want-to-be parents? Are they just pissed off in general and happy for a target?
I honestly don’t know.
But if you’re someone who’s childfree and you’ve come here hoping to find a profanity-laced or snark-infused rant against parents or their children – you know, the kind of stuff commonly categorized as “click bait,” the kind of nastiness that earns people like Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin a decent living because apparently that’s the kind of shit a lot of people like to read (and worship, falling dutifully in line with their burning torches and bared teeth) – you’re not going to be satisfied. You’ll find arguments, defenses, and complaints, but – and I think this is what really irks some of the more rabidly childfree – I try to be fair.
If what you want is a blind adrenaline rush and a pile to jump on, Google “crotch fruit” preceded or followed by the word “fuck,” and you’ll easily find what you’re looking for somewhere else.
That’s not what I’m interested in writing, nor is that the kind of attitude I think is healthy or productive. Even if my stats suffer (oh, woe…however will I survive?) for a lack of name-calling and judging and ranting and what have you, I’d much rather appeal to those who either definitely don’t or may not want kids, but feel pressured (by family, by religion, by the media, by their suburban neighborhood, or by advertising) to have them, and who genuinely want to get the perspective of someone who’s been there, someone who can (I hope) make them feel a little less pressured/more confident.
It’s really that simple.